To change. Now, that is scary.
Choosing a different brand, walking down a different street or changing your haircolour or creating a new nickname for yourself. These things are seen as scary by society, your friends, family, loved ones, even enemies. It even scares your Self, 'cause let's face it, most people identify wit their nephesh no matter what.
Theurgy is aimed at changing the initiate. Initiations are aimed at opening doors for them to walk through. Ritually contacting sephirotic planetary angelic beings etc, its all opening doors. But you are the one who has to walk through. In the olden days (TM) if you were caught delivering a lead lamella as a curse into someone’s house you were f*cked. Today people do purifications, baptisms and all sorts of things aimed at changing, but they forget the most important thing. Letting the old die so the new can be born.
Change is good. if you come to me with the clear intention to become "more than man" from a GD perspective, or to Regenerate as a Martinist or to free yourself from the matter as a Gnostic, but then only do your practices in the safety of your own temple and refuse to start to change, well, miracles won't happen. Angels won't manifest over your room and remove your fat, Lightning won't strike to reveal a chest of gold. You need to work and WANT to work for al changes. Initiations give you an opportunity, rituals show you the way and give you the power to do X. But you still need to use your god given right and DO/(which is WILL) that thing. So stop being afraid. you can't change without letting go.
Everyday, die a little. And little by little you will transform. If this is too hard, kill everybody you know, remove all traces of your existence and give yourself permanent amnesia. Oh, right, that’s the insane crazy way. My bad. :)